I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
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