I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Randomize
