Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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