eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
