is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Randomize
