If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Randomize
