Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
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