My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
apparently the secret to your success is patron
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize