I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
I made him laugh his dick is mine
It's not a walk of shame if you run
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
Randomize