i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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