whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
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