Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize