I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
