i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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