he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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