my room smells like sperm. sweet.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Randomize
