Cold hands, warm shart.
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
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