I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Randomize
