I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
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