these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
it was like eating out sand paper
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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