hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Randomize
