You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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