we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
True college students do jello shots in the library
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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