No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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