Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
We had sex on a dog bed..
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
Randomize