i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
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