i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
you win again, gameday.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
