He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Randomize
