I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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