Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
