i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Randomize
