driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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