yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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