he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
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