I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
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