I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
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