If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
he thought i was a dude.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Randomize
