There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Randomize
