Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Randomize
