i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Randomize
