Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
