I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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