Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Randomize
