I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
Randomize
