i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
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