How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize