I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
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