mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
Randomize
