So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize
