just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
Randomize