You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
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