Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
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