no, he came in my armpit
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Randomize
