mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
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