The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
