I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Randomize
