Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
