just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
