did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize