Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
Randomize
