dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Randomize
