I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
Heybabeimwearingurpanties
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Randomize
