just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
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