my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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