I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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