ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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