after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
Randomize
