Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
