i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Randomize
