I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Randomize
