we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
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