The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Randomize
