so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
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